Monday, September 11, 2006

Wondering

I'm guessing that most adoptees have had one (or many) of those situations where you think "Oh my God, what if I'm related to this person?" It happens to me frequently. I meet someone that I have a lot in common with and think "This is what it would be like with my biological family." While, of course, I know that isn't always the case, I would assume that most adoptees hold that ideal in their minds that - there are people out there just like them, and upon finding those people the feeling of being "different" just fades away. It's kind of an annoying feeling, to be honest. You really want to ask. But you feel like such a weirdo for even wondering about it.

I guess it really all boils down to having to feel secure and know who you are without waiting on unknown variables define that for you. Because in all liklihood, the variables (my family) probably won't ever be defined, and to let that rule my identity is a waste.

And now a quote from some very deep, inspirational folks:
Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about.

-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Ike's Wee Wee, 1998

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a mom to three children. I gave birth to my son 11 yrs ago and adopted my two daughters six and two years ago. I've spent the past ten years probably researching and learning everything about adoption from the adoptive parents viewpoint. I have started to realize that I have so much to learn about things from my girls perspective and to come to a healthier place about how I feel about their birthmothers. I am a Christian also and I really appreciated reading your open and honest thoughts and feelings on your blog. I am going to learn from you and from everyone else how I can best support and be there for my girls. I have already told my eldest daughter (8.5) that I want to help her search for her birthmother whenever she decides she wants to do that. She does want to search when she is older she says. We are planning a trip to her birthcountry in a couple of years because she wants to see the foster family that took care of her for the first two years of her life and the hospital she was born in etc. I think this is a good thing but there is so much conflicting information out there about what to do/what not to do. What will help my child or harm her. I don't want to do anything to harm her but I also don't see why she has to wait till she is an adult to have some sort of connection with her beginnings on this earth. So I'm confused and know I have so much to learn.

I feel my daughter pain. Both of them. I cannot stand the ignorance and denial of so many adoptive parents who just do not believe that our children suffer. How can they not see this? We talk about adoption, birthmothers, life stories every single DAY in our home. It's very normal and natural. Yes I feel very blessed to have both of my girls. I just spent the day out and about shopping with them and we had such a wonderful day. We had fun and all enjoyed each other thoroughly. But I know that tommorow something may trigger a feeling of loss or sadness. And I can't fix with an icecream cone or even a hug. I can't fix the pain and I can't understand how other parents refuse to even talk about the pain.

Anyway I digress. I feel priveledged that I can view your blog and learn from you and your experiences. I also appreciate your perspective. Someday when I get to know everyone better I can share our story and maybe it will help someone else out too. Thanks, Christine

7:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey - you have a wonderful blog! I just wrote about it on my blog: http://hopingtoadopt.adoptionblogs.com
I wish you great luck and success in your search.
Adrienne

4:29 AM  
Anonymous kim.kim said...

Family is also about whose blood you have.
If it wasn't then it wouldn't matter that you are adopted and it does.
You have more than one family, the one who raised you is not less family then your blood ties, but your blood ties are also your family.

7:40 AM  
Blogger Lisa & Oliver said...

Love .. and appreciate reading your blog.

I have an adopted 1 year old daughter and will do whatever I can to help her learn more about her birth parents/culture. My mother died when I was very young and I have always felt that a puzzle piece was missing for me, too. How could I wish to revisit that on someone else?

Good luck with your search and I will be checking in again.

6:56 PM  

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