Some books I've been reading
I've been reading a lot. I have some business books I got for Christmas, some books that friends have let me borrow that are sitting on the coffee table collecting dust becuase I want to read these books about adoption first. I finished Sherrie Eldridge's "Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make" a few weeks ago. Her writing style is captivating and it also helps that I agree with her on just about everything she writes. I read this book in just a few sittings. Some of the more helpful "choices" that she highlights are:
-"Thoughts about our birth parents are innate: our choice is to give ourselves permission to think about them without reservation." I had never heard anything remotely like this until I read this book; thinking about my birth family has always been somehow "wrong" to me. And in 26 years I had never really even considered my birth father until now. It's been enlightening to think about these people and not feel guilty about it.
-"Letting go of our birth mother's original decision will set us free: our choice is to let go of rejection and move toward forgiveness." I have definitely come a long way down this path.
-"We can be wounded healers: our choice is to lay down our lives for others through transparently sharing our story." I guess that is what I'm trying to do through this blog.
The other book that I'm currently reading is "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton. This book really freaks me out. It feels like reading a psychology book. And everyone in the book seems to be a lot crazier than me. There was almost an entire chapter dedicated to adoptees who go on to kill their adoptive parents, become serial killers, etc. It made me really uncomfortable to read it. I mean, I know that it happens, but the book is called "Journey of the Adopted Self" and that is not my self! Nearly every adoptee she talks about seems a little wacky to me. Maybe I lucked out and am just one of the more well-adjusted adoptees, I don't know. Regardless of how creepy I am finding most of this book, there are a few things that I have found that really made me think, and those little bits of information are what keep me reading this one:
"But we have to wonder: Does the baby destined for adoption know even before it is born that it is going to be abandoned? Does the fetus get a physiological message of its dark fate from the turbulent wrenching of the womb as its mother's body lies convulsed with grief?"
"When a nonadopted child loses even one parent, everyone is aware of the child's need to grieve. But no one considers that the adopted child also needs to mourn. How can you mourn someone you never knew? people ask, disregarding the child's prenatal bond, as well as the human need for biological and historical connection."
"Adopted children, who get the message that not only were they chosen, but they were chosen to be the light of their parents' lives often do not feel entitled to express any negative feelings, such as grief or anger at being cut off from their origins."
"Adoptees are not clear what they are searching for when they first begin. They say they just want to find medical information, or the reason they were given up, or someone who looks like them...Having been out of touch with their feelings for so long, it is hard for adoptees to know what it is that is driving them forward."
So, there are some good points in this book, but it definitely isn't a "feel good" book. In fact, its pretty depressing and I'm not even sure that I'm going to finish it.
All in all, if you are looking for a helpful book that you can identify with and that will help you grow, go for Sherrie Eldridge's "Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make".
-"Thoughts about our birth parents are innate: our choice is to give ourselves permission to think about them without reservation." I had never heard anything remotely like this until I read this book; thinking about my birth family has always been somehow "wrong" to me. And in 26 years I had never really even considered my birth father until now. It's been enlightening to think about these people and not feel guilty about it.
-"Letting go of our birth mother's original decision will set us free: our choice is to let go of rejection and move toward forgiveness." I have definitely come a long way down this path.
-"We can be wounded healers: our choice is to lay down our lives for others through transparently sharing our story." I guess that is what I'm trying to do through this blog.
The other book that I'm currently reading is "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton. This book really freaks me out. It feels like reading a psychology book. And everyone in the book seems to be a lot crazier than me. There was almost an entire chapter dedicated to adoptees who go on to kill their adoptive parents, become serial killers, etc. It made me really uncomfortable to read it. I mean, I know that it happens, but the book is called "Journey of the Adopted Self" and that is not my self! Nearly every adoptee she talks about seems a little wacky to me. Maybe I lucked out and am just one of the more well-adjusted adoptees, I don't know. Regardless of how creepy I am finding most of this book, there are a few things that I have found that really made me think, and those little bits of information are what keep me reading this one:
"But we have to wonder: Does the baby destined for adoption know even before it is born that it is going to be abandoned? Does the fetus get a physiological message of its dark fate from the turbulent wrenching of the womb as its mother's body lies convulsed with grief?"
"When a nonadopted child loses even one parent, everyone is aware of the child's need to grieve. But no one considers that the adopted child also needs to mourn. How can you mourn someone you never knew? people ask, disregarding the child's prenatal bond, as well as the human need for biological and historical connection."
"Adopted children, who get the message that not only were they chosen, but they were chosen to be the light of their parents' lives often do not feel entitled to express any negative feelings, such as grief or anger at being cut off from their origins."
"Adoptees are not clear what they are searching for when they first begin. They say they just want to find medical information, or the reason they were given up, or someone who looks like them...Having been out of touch with their feelings for so long, it is hard for adoptees to know what it is that is driving them forward."
So, there are some good points in this book, but it definitely isn't a "feel good" book. In fact, its pretty depressing and I'm not even sure that I'm going to finish it.
All in all, if you are looking for a helpful book that you can identify with and that will help you grow, go for Sherrie Eldridge's "Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make".
posted by everyscarisabridge at 8:00 PM
2 Comments:
Be careful reading these books. I read all the adoptee books and they seem to all be from people who had really bad experiences. It really depressed me for a time thinking there were so many with horror stories of being adopted. Then i realized...i guess the one's who haven't had bad things happen to them don't have much to write about.
Isn't it funny how we want to relate and look for stories to read about what we have been through?
Lifton can be an interesting read. Some of her stuff I liked. Others I hated.
This paragraph hit home with me. I think about this all the time. They say babies can hear music outside the womb, surely they hear the torture of their mothers souls as well?
But we have to wonder: Does the baby destined for adoption know even before it is born that it is going to be abandoned? Does the fetus get a physiological message of its dark fate from the turbulent wrenching of the womb as its mother's body lies convulsed with grief?"
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