The 80-20 Rule
Today we had a lunch meeting at work, there were about 10 of us there. At the end of the meal, the owner of the company talked about how he thought it was good for everyone to get together and talk about good things that were happening in their lives. I have absolutely no idea what possessed me to speak up, but I just blurted out "I was adopted when I was a baby". Well, crap, can't stop talking now. Seriously, I don't know why in the world I started talking, it was like a bad case of verbal diarrhea.
So I told them about how I was adopted, had been reading a lot, and was starting a group at my church. I told them the story about how I was really wishing I knew someone else who was adopted, and right at the moment when I was thinking about that very idea, the girl across the hall came in and told me that she was adopted. Yeah, um, blank stares. Maybe it was due to my poorly formed sentences, or my stuttering or that fact that I probably looked like I was about to lose the delicious lunch we had just enjoyed. I mean, it wasn't too awful, because I'm lucky enough to work with a few of my good friends, so they kind of know what's going on, but everyone else - blank stares. So I ended my story with "That's a really big deal".
I am still about 80% horrified by the whole situation. I have to maintain that non-adopted people really don't understand the significance of adoptees meeting each other. I can't explain it. Obviously, since the only way I could describe it was "a really big deal".
But there is 20% of me that is ok with this instance of talking when I didn't mean to. After lunch, a woman at the meeting started asking me all these questions about being adopted, and come to find out, she's been trying to have kids for a few years and is now considering adoption. She wants to talk more, so we're supposed to get lunch sometime soon. So, I guess I'm glad I spoke up, because maybe I can help fill a need or answer some questions that I wouldn't even have been aware of otherwise, which is pretty cool. But it doesn't mean I'm not still 80% horrified.
So I told them about how I was adopted, had been reading a lot, and was starting a group at my church. I told them the story about how I was really wishing I knew someone else who was adopted, and right at the moment when I was thinking about that very idea, the girl across the hall came in and told me that she was adopted. Yeah, um, blank stares. Maybe it was due to my poorly formed sentences, or my stuttering or that fact that I probably looked like I was about to lose the delicious lunch we had just enjoyed. I mean, it wasn't too awful, because I'm lucky enough to work with a few of my good friends, so they kind of know what's going on, but everyone else - blank stares. So I ended my story with "That's a really big deal".
I am still about 80% horrified by the whole situation. I have to maintain that non-adopted people really don't understand the significance of adoptees meeting each other. I can't explain it. Obviously, since the only way I could describe it was "a really big deal".
But there is 20% of me that is ok with this instance of talking when I didn't mean to. After lunch, a woman at the meeting started asking me all these questions about being adopted, and come to find out, she's been trying to have kids for a few years and is now considering adoption. She wants to talk more, so we're supposed to get lunch sometime soon. So, I guess I'm glad I spoke up, because maybe I can help fill a need or answer some questions that I wouldn't even have been aware of otherwise, which is pretty cool. But it doesn't mean I'm not still 80% horrified.
posted by everyscarisabridge at 4:56 PM
1 Comments:
My son has told me that he finds that often when people find out that he's adopted, they come to him for advice on the subject. He proudly told me a while back that a couple he knows decided on an open adoption (as opposed to closed) after talking to him about it. His adoption was closed, and I think he knows I am not a huge fan now of closed adoptions (or most adoption in general).
I talk about adoption and the fact that I am a birth mom on a regular basis. If triad members don't educate people, who will?
And it doesn't hurt either that when we mention our connections to adoption, we find many others have them too. It takes some of the weirdness out of our connections to adoption. Well, mine anyway. I know adoption seems natural to some - not me.
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